Happy Hour:
Changing the World One Drink at a Time!
Happy Hour Life Skills
Robert Heinlein, a writer who believed that "specialization is for insects", created a short list of skills that every person should be able to do to call themselves human. He called them life skills. According to Robert: A human being should be able to:
- change a diaper
- plan an invasion
- butcher a hog
- design a building
- write a sonnet
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- set a bone
- comfort the dying
- take orders
- give orders
- solve equations
| - pitch manure
- program a computer
- cook a tasty meal
- fight efficiently
- die gallantly
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Here at Happy Hour Headquarters, we thought that Robert missed a few skills and recognized that the world needed a list of life skills with a more positive focus, thus, after a few beers and aided with a pen and the back of several bar flyers at Cheers, we came up with these Happy Hour Life Skills:
- Fix a lotto
- Tap a keg
- Open wine without a corkscrew
- Find your drink
- Find Phase 2
- Perform a Chinese Beerfuck
- Establish an alibi
- Post bail
- Build a still
- Find your car
- Avoid babysitting
- Make a pipe from items on hand
- Find the best bar in a strange town
- Talk your way out of an arrest
- Talk to strangers
- Share your friends
- Fix a toy
- Entice a minor
- Right your vehicle
- Drink for free
- Remove a bra with one hand
- Cop a feel without getting caught
- Throw a party
- Talk your friends into helping you move
- Avoid a fight
- Order your 6th drink without getting cut off
| - Disembowel a lobster with its own antenna
- Balance a cellphone and a Happy Hour map while driving
- Keep Fridays flexible
- Have your house always available for Phase 2
- Make a darn good jello shot
- Fall without spilling your drink
- Pee off a boat
- Avoid sand bars while boating (Dock without damage)
- Set up a tent in the dark
- Find your underwear
- Pack in ten minutes (Dress in 1)
- Hit your eye with the Visine
- Pretend to know people's names
- Clean up a bathroom
- Treat a hangover
- Find humor in death
- Locate the band's sweet spot
- Find the back door
- Break into your car/house/apartment
- Score and remember
- Front a blues band
- Spread vicious rumors with total impunity
- Leave a message in one beep
- Shake yo' hair/groove thang/bootie
- Bait your hook
- Make the most unhappening bar happening
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This page last updated on March 11, 2019