Happy Hour:

Changing the World One Drink at a Time!


Happy Hour Life Skills

Robert Heinlein, a writer who believed that "specialization is for insects", created a short list of skills that every person should be able to do to call themselves human. He called them life skills. According to Robert: A human being should be able to:

  • change a diaper
  • plan an invasion
  • butcher a hog
  • design a building
  • write a sonnet
  • set a bone
  • comfort the dying
  • take orders
  • give orders
  • solve equations
  • pitch manure
  • program a computer
  • cook a tasty meal
  • fight efficiently
  • die gallantly

Here at Happy Hour Headquarters, we thought that Robert missed a few skills and recognized that the world needed a list of life skills with a more positive focus, thus, after a few beers and aided with a pen and the back of several bar flyers at Cheers, we came up with these Happy Hour Life Skills:

  1. Fix a lotto
  2. Tap a keg
  3. Open wine without a corkscrew
  4. Find your drink
  5. Find Phase 2
  6. Perform a Chinese Beerfuck
  7. Establish an alibi
  8. Post bail
  9. Build a still
  10. Find your car
  11. Avoid babysitting
  12. Make a pipe from items on hand
  13. Find the best bar in a strange town
  14. Talk your way out of an arrest
  15. Talk to strangers
  16. Share your friends
  17. Fix a toy
  18. Entice a minor
  19. Right your vehicle
  20. Drink for free
  21. Remove a bra with one hand
  22. Cop a feel without getting caught
  23. Throw a party
  24. Talk your friends into helping you move
  25. Avoid a fight
  26. Order your 6th drink without getting cut off
  1. Disembowel a lobster with its own antenna
  2. Balance a cellphone and a Happy Hour map while driving
  3. Keep Fridays flexible
  4. Have your house always available for Phase 2
  5. Make a darn good jello shot
  6. Fall without spilling your drink
  7. Pee off a boat
  8. Avoid sand bars while boating (Dock without damage)
  9. Set up a tent in the dark
  10. Find your underwear
  11. Pack in ten minutes (Dress in 1)
  12. Hit your eye with the Visine
  13. Pretend to know people's names
  14. Clean up a bathroom
  15. Treat a hangover
  16. Find humor in death
  17. Locate the band's sweet spot
  18. Find the back door
  19. Break into your car/house/apartment
  20. Score and remember
  21. Front a blues band
  22. Spread vicious rumors with total impunity
  23. Leave a message in one beep
  24. Shake yo' hair/groove thang/bootie
  25. Bait your hook
  26. Make the most unhappening bar happening


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This page last updated on 3 January, 2006